Janet, Stacie, & Rachel Week 5 Transcript

Janet (J), Stacie (S) & Rachel (R)

0:00-3:00

R: Alright. I don’t know if it’s the same, I mean there’s a book about, um, how French

people have the best kids and what not, and all this rang really true about how

American families lack the discipline early on. Not just, I don’t mean the child lacks

discipline, I mean that parents lack discipline to discipline their children. Um

J: Yeah, that was touched on in this article, too.

R: Yeah, it was all ringing right back to me it’s all about like how it’s all about the

need for instant gratification and congratulating when they – no matter what they

do, all the time, participation trophies, and that everyone’s a winner, and what

struck me talking about eating food – um, just being like, you know, you can have

treats, you can have special things, but it all needs to happen when its supposed to

happen – instantly they get this

J: Yeah

R: It’s like oh it’s a special day and, and at the allotted time you will get that special

thing and I’m just trying to think about that with American kids I’m like oh god!

There would be such screaming!

S: It reminded me of my children when we would go to these restaurants

R: mhm

S: And we physically couldn’t stay there for more than like, 20 minutes because my

then-two- year-old was like, trying to run around

R: mhm

S: Um, talk to the waiters, get out of her high chair - and I think American parents

just make their children the center of their world instead of making like, the family

unit the center

R: mhm

J: yeah

S: The most important thing. Um, I don’t think we do a very good job of teaching

independence, myself included

R: Well another thing, I know a lot of mothers who – especially early mothers, who

are saying like “my whole, my whole life had, HAD to change” just used very like,

dramatic words, my whole schedule had TO change, I was no longer me the

individual, I was me the mom, I was me the wife and mother it’s, like they they, she

even says something like the evenings are for parents,

S: Yes!

R:this is parent-time, and if the children wanna participate that’s okay but its on a

parent level and im like what that’s amazing! I wanna do that!

J: Yeah, that’s really good

S: Because I’m in bed, like I said, with my littlest one, and right now she’s not even

going to bed until 10 or 11 we just lay there

R: Ugh, That’s too late for me!

S: And I wanna leave, but like.. I don’t

J: mhm

S: And so by the time I do leave, it’s already after I’ve fallen asleep before her!

R: mhm!

S: And then there’s no “us time” with my boyfriend

R: mhm

S: and it’s

R: adult time!

S: it’s taking its toll on the relationship and the family unit and I just have to change

my perception, I have to do better, I’ve tried the routines but nothing’s working.

3:00 – 4:37

Janet:

Stacie: I have to do better at trying the routines and things like that, but nothing’s

worked because I guess basically it kills me when she cries aaaand it’s very difficult.

Rachel: I mean it’s like adult discipline as well, not just disciplining your children.

Janet:

Stacie: Yes. I always swore when I babysat, that I would never let my kid do that and,

and if they cried so what… and then I had children.

Rachel:

Janet: Yeah, this article talked a lot about, it says um there’s a lot of things that Western

children are allowed to do that a Chinese child would never even ask their parent if they

could do and this person listed said here are things my, this is a Chinese author, and

she said these are things my daughters were never allowed to do: attend a sleepover,

have a playdate, be in a school play, complain about not being in the school play, watch

TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade

less than an A, not be the number 1 student in every subject, play an instrument other

than the piano or violin, or NOT play the piano or violin. Yeah

Stacie: I think that…

Rachel:

Janet: Yeah and it says here, it says that… let me find the part. It says that 70% of

Western mothers said that stressing academic success is not good for their children and

parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun and it said roughly zero percent of

Chinese mothers felt that way.

Stacie:

Rachel: ahahah I love that. Roughly zero %. That’s awesome.

Janet: And then they talked about how, this author said that, that she thinks Western

parents are so concerned with the fragility of their child’s self-esteem when on the

contrast Chinese mothers assume that their children are great.

Stacie:

Rachel:

6:00 to 7:37

R: Yeah.

J: MhhHmm.

S: It wasn’t like you said, their choice of activity…

J: Right.

S: …an extracurricular, um, activity. It wasn’t their choice…

R: Mhhmhh.

S: They were forced to do it…

J: Yeah.

And so I don’t think that’s extremely good because…

J: Yeah.

S: …then they become resentful.

R: Mhhmhh.

S: It was like what we were talking about earlier, they don’t do it because they want to, their doing it because they’re told too or because they have to.

J: Yeah—

R: Yeah.

J: In this it says that the Chinese perspective on that is pretty much, um, like kinda going back to what we were saying before: um, Western parents see their child as the center of the universe, and by extension, the child starts to believe that.

S: Yeah.

J: So, I’m the center of the universe.

R: Mhhmhh. So, “Me, me, me, me.”

J: And I feel that the way that the Chinese parents are doing it, maybe, maybe it’s a little too much--

R: Little too much—

J: But they’re more so raising children to be members of society…

J: Not…

S: Contributing members of society…

J: Right, Not just…

S: and looking out for others, not just themselves…

J: Not just focus on you, focus on what you want, only do things that make you happy, only do what you want. It’s like, “No, you’re in a world where it’s not just you…

R: yeah.

J: you have to learn how to be a part, I can’t think of the word, but like a part of the whole, not just you…

R:Mhhmmh.

But I mean, I agree it’s a crazy story.

R: And going with that middle ground thing, it does feel like even just hearing you guys talk about it, it’s like the American way is very “child focused..”

S: yeah.

R: And yes, the Chinese way is very child focused…

J: yeah, but for a different reason.

R: yeah, it is that American parents are going all in